UPDATE: Kalli is doing so great! She no longer cries longer than 3-4 minutes if
she wakes up at all! I am so proud of her and myself- for sticking to it and doing it. Thank you all so much for the words of encouragement and your success stories! You ladies rock!
My eight month old daughter has decided in the last month and a half to stop sleeping very well at night. She used to sleep really well, sleep for 6-8 hours, wake up and eat and then sleep for 2-3 more hours. Well now she is back to waking up every 3-4 hours!! I know she doesn't need to nurse that often, but often I will find myself nursing her anyways just to get her back to sleep so I can sleep. So now I fear that this has created a habit with her and I don't know how to break it. So I am thinking of trying the 'cry it out' method, but nervous. I never had to do this with my son, he was always a good sleeper. So do I let her cry, but only for 15 minutes and then go comfort her? Do I let her cry until she is asleep? I had one person tell me this can instill abandonment issues with her. Yikes! I know I am probably over-worrying about this, but would love some insight. What has worked for other people????
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I went through the same thing... its SO HARD!! In the end I let Cecelia cry it out. It only took a day or two of her crying to realize that it wasn't getting her anywhere and now she sleeps pretty well. She still wakes up around 5 or 6 and wants to climb into our bed and nurse, but hey, if she'll sleep from 8/9 at night till 5 or 6 in the morning, I'll take it.
A friend of mine (Jen L, from this site actually) gave me some good advice that really calmed my mind about the crying it out thing. She said "This is the way Heavenly Father does it. He lets us cry it out, sometimes without any comfort until morning. He is the master parent, so I figured I could trust His example. I prayed about it. I was in fear of damaging MM and got the answer that this was an ok things for us to do."
Her words really struck me. There are plenty of times our Heavenly Father does let us cry. We know He is there, but He does let us cry. Cecelia knew I was nearby. I would whisper softly to her that I was there but that she needed to go to sleep. But I wouldn't pick her up. And it only took a short while before she figure it all out.
I really wish you the best!! It is so, so hard to let them cry it out. But ultimately, I am glad I did it with Cecelia. Good luck, and let us know how it goes.
Yeah, Eden went through the same thing at about the same age. She is back to 12 hour sleeping though. For myself I would say, I'll let her go five minutes and then I'll go comfort her. Five minutes seemed like an eternity so I would have to seriously watch the clock. It only took a couple of nights though. Then she went through another phase at about 12 months. My in-laws were visiting so we didn't let her cry (because we didn't want the disturbed) and so she got in the habit of getting up a bunch. It took two days for her to get back into the habit of sleeping well. She seriously will sleep 7:30 to 7:30. If she has teeth pain, she may wake up, we look at the clock and start timing, and we rarely end up going in because she settles herself within that time.
I also think that as a mom, you know your child's cries. There are times that I go in immediately because I know her cry is one that needs immediate attention (she sometimes has bad dreams).
Good luck!
Molly, I am going through this EXACT thing right now. I have a few guesses as to why my son isn't sleeping as well but I can't pin point an exact reason. At first I let him cry it out. He'd cry for about 30 minutes and then fall asleep. He's been crying for the last two months every time I'd lay him down. We're visiting with my mother-in-law right now for a few weeks, so being away from home makes this harder. About 5 nights ago he started waking up about every two hours. I'd just bring him in bed with me and nurse him so he'd go back to sleep. A few nights he was waking up around 2 or 3 and wouldn't go back to sleep for an hour or so. I didn't know what else to do and I was worried he was developing a habit. I read somewhere recently that babies around 8/9 months, or babies who are learning a new skill (scooting, crawling, sitting up, pulling themselves up, etc.) are eager to try it and wake up. When my first son was born I read a book called "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" and I recommend that. However, I haven't read it in a long time and I'm away from home so I went to the bookstore last night and bought a book called "The No-Cry Sleep Solution". I too have heard that babies who are left alone to "cry it out" feel like they're being abandoned, which made me feel terrible since I was reading about it as I was listening to my son cry himself to sleep. I don't know what's a right or wrong (within reason, I mean) strategy for getting a baby to fall asleep. Here's one strategy I've tried that I like: Let the baby cry for 5 minutes, then go soothe him. If he still cries go back 10 minutes later, soothe, then wait, adding 5-10 minutes each time before going in. That helped me. Sorry this was more of telling my situation rather than much help. I'll post again in a few days once I get more into my book and let you know if it mentions any good strategies.
With my son we found it is easier to just let him cry. If we go in after 15 minutes he gets more worked up. It only took about 2-3 nights to get him sleeping through the night. But I will admit we have trained him several times because it seems sickness and teething and other things can mess up the sleep habits. But it works everytime to just let him cry.
I think she's old enough to let her cry. You can pick how long you want to wait until you go comfort her, but start with 5 min or so, and then work your way up each time. Don't pick her up when you go in, just talk soothingly and maybe pat her back. It's the longest few nights in the universe, but that's all it ever took for us when my daughter hit those stages, was a couple of nights! Just remind yourself that you're not being mean-it's for her own good. Babies need good nights of sleep, and she's definitely old enough that she doesn't need to be fed during the night!
It's true! Just a couple of nights! When you are feeling guilty, just think about how lucky your kids are that they don't have me for a Mom because I started doing that at one month old. I truly don't feel you should worry about abandonment. They will act just the same to you in the morning and eat up all the love you give them! This experience is not easy but really essential for their development. Only through doing this will they develop self-soothing habits (that will carry them through many years to come!). I do comfort after 15 minutes depending on the age, but I've read you shouldn't pick them up, just reassure them and pat their back. They will learn that even if they cry, that is not their ticket out of the crib. We have had various changes throughout our two year olds life where we've had to go back to this crying out thing, and the hard nights are usually limited to two nights. The pay off is incredibly worth it.
I've never really read this, but I personally feel that crying is a great release for tired children. It's not the same as when we are crying uncontrollably and feeling incredibly emotionally distraught. It's like a physical release that results in a calm, peaceful baby body (even if it takes a few minutes or a few hours!!) I think crying is very healthy!
Hopefully I don't seem like the meanest mom on the planet. Though I've said all of this, I'm also guilty of the occasional rocking to sleep and such.
Wow- I have to say I am so glad I posted about this. At 2 in the morning Kalli started crying, so I came out to the computer instead of just watching the clock in bed. I was really doubting I could let her cry, but then I read all the helpful comments and I knew I could do it and had to do it. Not to mention, that she had only cried for about 3 minutes! She woke up again at 4 and only cried for 2 minutes! At 6:30 I got her because I figured she was actually hungry this time. Thank you all so much, I know I can do it and am so excited to have her sleeping through the night soon!!!!
Everyone already left great comments, but if you have to do it again, here is what I read. The first night you go in after 3 min, then after 5 min, then after 7... Then the next night you start at 5 min, then 7, etc... You just keep extending the time. It worked on Reagan after 2-3 nights. Haven't tried it yet on Kennedy, but I plan to start tonight actually. I agree with Linz, it is a great release for a tired child. Good Luck!
I completely agree. I have four kids that are 9, 6, almost 4 and 17 mos. I let all of mine cry it out between 5-7 months of age, and they are all great kids--no lasting damage, I hope. :-) I know it's hard, but I personally think being able to fall asleep alone is the best gift you can give to your child, not to mention anyone else who may be watching them. We also have had to redo it anytime we get back from vacation or get over an illness, but it doesn't take very long. Overall, I love sleeping through the night, and I'm a better Mom when I do. Ultimately, I'd rather be a great Mom all day when I get enough sleep, then a tired Mom who is short with the kiddos.
Good luck--I know it's hard. Sometimes I would go outside so I didn't have to hear it!
I had a thought earlier about the abandoment thing... I think it takes A LOT more than letting your child cry for them to feel as though you've abandoned them. :D I try to convince myself that people just tell us that because they are mad that they aren't strong enough to let their child cry it out.
A lot of the time we say "I feel like such a mean mom letting them cry" but it takes a really, really good mom to be able to let her child cry and know that in the end everyone will get a better nights sleep because of it.
Isn't it funny how if you clock it, they really don't cry all that long... it just seems like an eternity because we are moms, and we know that we could walk in there and make it stop. I use to actually set the timer for 5, 10, 15 minutes. It was amazing to see just how quickly Cecelia would actually fall asleep. It just SEEMED like forever to me.
My pediatrician said that letting them cry gives them coping skills. I didn't buy it at first, but it makes sense now. It goes along with the other mom who said Heavenly Father lets us cry it out too. There's a book I love "The no cry sleep solution" by elizabeth Pantley that has great suggestions in it too for teaching your child to sleep. In the end, all 3 of mine have had to do some crying, but they are all okay. Good luck!
Yay Molly!! And Kalli. I'm glad you found something that worked for you. And that everyone is getting a better nights sleep!
Glad to hear things are going well Molly! I read "the No-Cry Sleep Solution". I thought it was okay. I didn't agree with parts but a lot of her suggestions were good. I especially liked her suggestion about making a bedtime poster for toddlers with pictures so they can see and think "okay, it's time to take a bath, now it's time to brush my teeth, put on pj's...etc.". I haven't tried anything new with Harrison, although he seems to be sleeping better, his stuffy nose is gone. I'll start on a new routine when we get back to our house in a week. It's so hard on vacation.
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