I've been feeling a little guilty lately, and not that I'm looking for people to tell me not to feel guilty, but I'm just wondering if my feelings are normal, or if others have experienced them. That being said...
I've always thought I wanted at least a handful of children. 5 or 6 was always my plan. Scott was fine with that, though his thinking was more like 4 or 5. While I was pregnant I began thinking maybe 3 or 4. Scott was once again fine with that. Well, now Cecelia is here and I am so happy with just her. I mentioned to Scott the other day that if our next one is a boy I could see myself being satisfied with just 2, maybe 3. Today we were talking about up coming vacations and Scott mentioned that maybe we should plan to take Cecelia to Disneyland one last time for her second birthday, before we start trying for baby number 2, since our plan is to have about 3 years between children. I seriously started sweating BULLETS!! That's only a little over a year away... then the conversation took another turn... maybe we should start trying just before she turns 2, just so we have a few months leeway, thus moving our Disneyland trip more towards December of 2008 and our "trying" to January of 2009. I know that's a year away, but by this point in time I am on the verge of having a heart attack.
I know that it is important to provide Heavenly Father's spirit children with good, strong homes. I know that it is a blessing and privilege to be able to raise His children and give them earthly homes, and I feel very guilty about the above situation. Its not that I had a horrible pregnancy and don't ever want to go through that again. Its not that I hated giving birth (I actually loved it, and look forward to doing it again). And its not that I have a hard to handle child- she's an angel, and I could not be luckier. She's such an easy baby. I'm sure part of it is Satan working hard on me...
Have any of you had these sorts of feelings before? Is it possible that now just isn't the time for us to have another one, and that when the time comes I will feel a desire to have more children? Or am I completely nuts? Any thoughts you have would be greatly appreciated...