When I scold her, I worry that it's breaking her little spirit. When I boost her up, I worry that I could push too far in the other direction too. How do you build self esteem without turning your kid into a boastful, prideful thing? How do you teach humility without making them feel scolded? How do you do you strike a balance? I would love for my children to grow up with strong, healthy spirits and not have the same doubts that I was always plagued with. The world is hard enough as it is and getting tougher to live in with high standards and I want my children to be armed with all the confidence necessary to stand up for what's right.
Have you found good resources? Are there books I should read? Am I the only one that worries about this?
5 comments:
Wow, how DO you do this. Great question.
I am thinking of my own parents, by the time I graduated middle school, I finally felt comfortable in my own skin, and I credit my parents for this. They always made me feel incredibly loved and helped me to understand my divine nature. They let me try activities that I was interested in and supported me in that.
I think parenting with assertive compassion is a great start when they are young. Love them up, and love them so much that they get to the point when they are a little older that they don't want to be disobedient because they don't want to disappoint you. But don't worry about scolding. If you never taught them when they did something wrong, they would grow up in not so great a way. Being stern does not break them, it teaches them to be responsible and respectful. The opposite is a recipe for disaster.
Teach them their worth as a child of God and help them to identify their strengths.
Wow, I would love to read a book on this subject. If you find one, let us know.
This IS a great question, and I think it's so great you are being mindful of it. I do have to say that I don't worry too much about making my children boastful or prideful. I don't think we can give our kids too much love or encouragement. And even if they seem to be an overconfident little pre-schooler, unfortunately it won't take long for others at school to break them down. So like Linz said, I plan to give them as much positive reinforcement at home as I can! That doesn't mean I won't discipline or teach right from wrong-that's a whole other subject!
One thing that I have learned in my child development class is to praise children when they are doing positive things by using full statements like, "I like the way you are playing with the toys." "that was a smart idea." Instead of just saying good or bad. It helps them see what things they are doing well at and build self esteem. Then when they do something wrong and you have to discipline them it won't be to devastating to them because they have had those other positive reinforcements. I don't know if that helps.
With my son I try to encourage him to do things as much as possible on his own so he won't feel like he can't do something. So in the shower I let him try to wash himself or when he wants milk I let him get it out when he says, "cedric get it." I feel this will help him later because he is being aloud to explore and do things on his own and not being discouraged. Hopefully when he is older he will look at a problem and think, "Cedric do it!"
Holy cow I wrote a comment for this earlier and it's not here! I must have forgotten to publish. Anyway, when I have energy tomorrow I'll re-comment. This is an interesting subject.
There were a few more comments here but I don't know what happened to them.... sorry girls!
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