Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Friends Who Are No Longer Members
Ok so I don't usually feel like I need support when it comes to friend issues but this also has to do with the church. One of my old friends and leader from when I was a young woman is now inactive from the church. She invited me to be her friend on facebook and I accepted. It's always fun to catch up with old friends.Well she is completely antimormon now and continously posting antimormon articles and stories in her notes and such. It really makes me feel sad and my heart literally hurts. Today she became a fan of Big Love and then made some remarks about this sunday being a great show which really just got to me. I thought at first that I should continue being her friend to be an example to her. But now I am wondering if I should delete her as a friend. What are your thoughts? Should I try and be an example or should I just not expose myself to the things she is saying and doing? Also can you tell if someone deletes you as a friend on facebook? Thanks for the help in advance. I am just really sad about this tonight.
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7 comments:
You cannot tell if some deletes you, unless you try to go to their page and can't get in...
As far as what to do... I don't even know what to say! I'm sorry... that is a difficult situation. Let me think on it and I'll get back to you.
well, as someone who just discovered that she was "unfriended", I wouldn't do it unless I was offended by the person. (which it sounds like the case is here). My situation is different where it's my SIL's very good friend who I will still see at church and family parties. Awkward!!
There are people I add as a friend and get updates on and that's about it. If I deleted them, I doubt they'd ever notice, but I'd be paranoid about it. But that's just me. You can change your settings on her and make your communications more private-limiting what updates you get from her and what she can see on your page. That may be a good first step if you don't want to delete her. That way you can still be her friend but not necessarily hear about all her notes, comments, and views that you may not want to hear.
good luck!
This is a toughy. I would have to agree with Liz right now and say try to limit the info you get from her. However, on the other hand she is flat out doing stuff that you completely disagree with. If you feel uncomfortable being her friend then by all means just delete her. If she emails you and asks you why, just explain that you are uncomfortable with all the hate that she is putting out there about a church and faith that you love.
Good luck and let us know what you decide.
I agree, just stay her friend... but you don't have to look at her profile. I know things come up on the newsfeed, but just stay away from her profile and when she does post stuff like that, don't read even what the news feed says... just scroll past. If you were close to her, maybe eventually you could ask her about what happened and try to seek understanding and perhaps help her work through whatever it is so she's at least not anti.
Hey Jen. I think she is plannng to explain what happened to me later today because I left a message for her telling her how I felt about the big love issue. I was very tactful I thought. I think these are good suggestions. Because I know I really want to be an example and possibly help her in the long run but like that night my heart was literally hurting and I was practically crying. It's so hard to see someone so far off from the church.
I'm interested to see what she replies to your message. I like Liz's suggestion of limiting how much you can see about her and how much she can see about you. Let us know how it goes. Its so hard to watch people hate the church so much. Scott & I had a big ole discussion about it last night after I read your post. Remind me and we'll talk about it on Saturday... Only 3 more days till I'll see you!!
So she didn't reply again. But I asked another one of my young woman leaders how she felt about it because she is also friends with her. She said when she first became friends with her she felt like I do. It drove her crazy seeing her statuses and notes. But she decided instead of dwelling on the negative she was just going to be loud about all the postive things in the church and hope that it would one day effect her. I like the way she put it and I may not be putting it exactly right but I am going to start sharing more of my good church experiences.
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