For those of us who have daughters, and to those who don't...what are your feelings about young girls wearing sleeveless clothing? In the church, we are taught to instill the value of modesty in our children, specifically our daughters. We’re admonished to start when they’re very young.
For the Strength of Youth Pamphlet states: "Immodest clothing includes short shorts and skirts, tight clothing, shirts that do not cover the stomach, and other revealing attire. Young women should wear clothing that covers the shoulder and avoid clothing that is low-cut in the front or the back or revealing in any other manner?”
None of us have teenagers yet. Have you thought about how you are going to broach the subject?
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19 comments:
This is a topic my husband and I spent time discussing before we even knew our first was a girl. In fact, I think we discussed it before getting married. Our decision- no sleeveless, period. I do let her wear shorts, and she has a few two piece tankini swimsuits. A friend gave me a bikini for her, and I've let her wear it a few times and kind of feel guilty about it!
My reason for not letting her wear short shorts or sleeveless shirts is simple- if I don't let her wear them now, she can't use it against me later! Its hard to draw a line- tank tops are ok, but not spaghetti straps? To me its just easier to always have some form of sleeves. Then, when she's in high school, wanting to dress immodestly, she can't say to me "but when I was 2 you let me wear tank tops".
I don't have a problem with other people letting their children wear sleeveless clothing, but for us I feel it is easier to not allow it from the beginning. I do however, find it strange when 2 year olds come to church in strapless dresses... no joke! That happened in our ward awhile back. I thought it was a little odd!
I personally am ok with putting tank tops on my little one. I think as long as it fits her right and so that it covers her belly and doesn't fall down off her shoulder and reveal other parts(like nipples) then it is fine. I really hate when little girls nipples hang out even when they are so young. When she is older I will teach her about the church standards and she can choose. But for right now she is so little I really don't think it matters.
Although I wouldn't let her wear a bikini for sure. I personally think that that is to revealing and I don't want to know what some of the creepy men out there in he world are thinking about my little daughters body. A little shoulder showing is much different to me then a whole belly!
I think it is great to hear lots of peoples decisions but remember that it is ultimately your decision and don't let other people make you feel guilty about what you choose to do. Do wha you feel comfortable with.
On a side note I just thought of a lot of people let there little girls run around in diapers outside and that reveals a heck of a lot more than a tank top!
From an old mom with young grown daughters I was pretty strict with clothing. I would allow tank top/sun dresses for two-year olds but by 6 or 7 that was pretty much out and shorts always had to be long. I was a YW leader and even the bishops kids came to YW in short shorts. (not ok) modest and stylish. Your dress shows respect for where you are and who you are with! Same with ratty holy jeans.
I actually think there's a fundamental difference between running around in a onesie or a diaper and wearing a tank top. I think it's very different to say, "it's hot so just run around in your diaper because you're a baby/toddler" and "it's okay to wear a tank top".
I feel basically the same way Claire does. I think it's everyone's decision, but I was raised with no tank tops and I plan to do the same with my girls. I had room mates in college who had to get entirely new wardrobes when they got married and while that was their upbringing, I was raised to dress "temple worthy" way before I was going to the temple. As for my girls, we have sleeveless dresses and she wears short sleeve shirts under them. She has some tanks that she wears with shirts but she doesn't wear sleeveless or tanks or bikinis/tankinis. I think it's worthwhile to start those habits young, I want to also avoid the fight later like Claire mentioned.
We've actually had more issues with explaining why the Disney princesses have sleeveless dresses and off the shoulder dresses and she's only three!!! If i let her run around in tanks, i think it would be very hard to change her habits later!
I do the same thing as you Liz- Celia has tons of cute sleeveless dresses or tank tops that people have given her, and a few that I've even bought her. But I buy them knowing I will put a t shirt under them. I'm so glad that layering clothes is in style and looks cute!!
My husband and I talked about it for a long time. We've decided at the age of five - schoolager, it would be time for her to start wearing modest clothes.
I for one do not see a difference in running around in a diaper and running around in a tank. My child is not allowed outside in just a diaper. But I'll allow a tank.
When we do switch to completely using sleeves at the age of five, it will be a FHE on modesty and reasons of why it's time to make the switch. Our grandparents already know five is the limit on tanks. Lillian knows that at five she has to wear modest clothes like Mommy and she understands.
For me Bikini's are not allowed. I feel as if it's too much of a sexual attire. I'm not a fan of over sexualization of the female body, and bikini's are the icon of this.
I'm with Susan on this one.
I feel the same way as Liz and Claire. I do not let MM wear anything sleeveless, and if it is, we put a shirt under or a sweater over. I am also picky about swimwear and even some shirts if they are too scoopy I won't put on MM, or if the buttons don't look right. Some shirts look funny buttoned to the top, but too revealing if the top button is left open. I'm just really sensitive to how I dress my girl! I'm not going to be the one to buy her her first scoop neck top... even at 2.
I didn't realize how sensitive I was to this issue (though reading my above feelings, you probably wonder how I could not realize this is a 'hot topic' for me) until one day in primary last summer an 8/9 year old girl came to singing time in a sweater. We played around quite a bit and she took off her sweater to reveal a dress with spaghetti straps. I was shocked (doubly because I know her parents well and because she is an "early bloomer"), I became oddly uncomfortable about the situation and had to hold myself from saying something. I didn't realize that this issue was something I even cared about. I will say that I do believe church is an entirely different can of worms, however, than say, playing at the park in August. I always found the orthodox catholic churches interesting... they have rules about having your shoulder covered when in the sanctuary. I have to agree with the Catholics that covering shoulders does seem to be a very respectful thing to do and keep others from being distracted when trying to worship... no matter the age.
I'm okay with tanks and sundresses for my tots. I don't think bikinis are appropriate at any age.
Hmmm, I guess this is a hot topic, because I remember the last time it was discussed on here, it got pretty heated. Personally, my two year old wears sleeveless stuff sometimes in the summer. While it probably won't last beyond this year, for me personally, it doesn't come down to an age or specifics. She has cute chubby baby arms, and for me-it's just not a modesty issue yet. Period. Do I think it's a different story when they get older, and are actually old enough to even understand what modesty is? Definitely.
For me, the bottom line is that I don't really care what side people are on about this topic, it only bothers me when people get judgemental. I totally respect the people that are starting from Day One with stict modesty rules. That's awesome. It only bothers me when people start passing judgement and thinking we're immodest if I dress my two year old in a sleeveless sundress. I hate it when members of the Church get judgemental and self-righteous, especially over something so silly.
I guess I'm a little sensitive to this issue, because growing up in MI where there aren't a lot of members, I've experienced situations such as an inactive young woman being completely humiliated when a HUGE deal was made over her wearing a sleeveless dress to a Church dance. It just made me really sad that people couldn't look past the important issue (an inactive girl coming to a church activity) and instead, cared only about the "rules."
I just re-read my words, and it sounded a little harsh. I guess I get a little heated myself over this topic. I'm not going to erase anything, just know my words weren't directed at any of you, just past experiences.
Amen to Stephanie!!! Teach your kids whatever you'd like, but please don't judge others. I grew up as a non-member, and I know that the quickest way to alienate non-members and members alike is through judgement. I wore tank tops and bikinis throughout high school, and I saw no immodesty in it at all; I actually thought I was pretty modest compared to most of my friends. I had no problem accepting the teachings of the Church on modesty and wearing appriopriate clothing when the time came. And please don't say anything to anyone else or their children about how they're dressed immodestly...unless you want to drive a wedge between the two of you, make someone feel horrible, make yourself look like a self-righteous snob, and have them never come to Church again (I know of cases this has happened). This is DEFINITELY something I feel strongly about.
Ok, ditto to Steph and Katie. I also was not a member until I was 18. And I had no trouble transitioning to modest clothing. If you really understand modesty (which a two year old can't) and have a testimony than it isn't hard to make the transition. Plus I really appreciate Susan's comment about teaching her the Church standards when she is old enough to understand, and then letting her choose. In the mean time I prefer not making my child sweat more than necessary.
I also want to echo what Katie, Katie and Stephanie said... with a little adendum.
I think in responding to each other's posts it is important to realize that what we personally believe (no matter how strongly) does not mean that we inflict our beliefs on other people. Forgive me if making slight assumptions (I felt this way even before I posted, so this does not come as a result of the recent posts) but I do feel like people on both sides of the issues have assumed that simply because someone feels one way (for better or worse) it means that it crowds out compassion and understanding for people with other values.
I grew up a member, but my family, including brother and sister, are not members. Simply because I am so adament about keeping MM modest at such a young age, it does not mean that I judge others. To me I relate it to smoking. Heck, I'd rather smell smoke in the chapel than not to have that person come to church! But at the same time, I will teach my children NEVER to touch the stuff... in all clear terms. Of course, a slightly different example since it is a part of the word of wisdom, but what I'm trying to express is just because we have strong feelings one way or another does not imply that judgement follows. Those people who say something to others and offend other members have bigger problems than passing judgement.
GO STEPH! I totally agree with you! I can remember a youth conference where an inactive girl came in a tank and jeans with a hole and they made her go pick something out of the nasty clothing barn to wear. She didn't go to activities after that at all.
And I just also wanted to say I think there is a huge difference between tank tops/ sundresses and letting toddlers run around in just a diaper. But if it makes you feel better to think there isn't go ahead and keep thinking that.
Thank you all for sharing your thoughts and experiences! This is what Hot Topics is all about!!
We were humiliated at church activities when we weren't modest. (Publically displayed and made to wear ridiculous designated clothing - so everyone knew, you were caught wearing imodest clothes for the entire activity) I totally agree with passing judgement. If it does become a problem it should be dealt with in private.
Jen, I don't want you to think I was attacking you, or anyone else. Having different opinions is the whole point of Hot Topics, and I actually think this whole discussion has been handled pretty well. The issue of letting babies and toddlers wear tank tops or sleeveless dresses, in my opinion, is just a perfect example of a pretty insignificant topic that probably doesn't make much of a difference to Heavenly Father. What He WOULD care about is how we treat each other about it, and if we started looking down on others and passing judgement. I don't assume others are passing judgement on me, just because they have different opinions. I was referring to past experiences where people have actually been verbally judgemental, and that's where I think the problem lies (not in the difference of opinion).
Oh Steph, I definitely don't think that! Like I said, I thought that even before I posted the first time... long before you posted. I guess as a generality, some of the specifics mentioned started to make it feel like an unsafe place to post an opposing opinion. I am definitely for all sides of this, and it's obviously NOT a commandment, so in the end, it doesn't matter, but specifics from other's posts should be left out when expressing an opposite view. But this is just something that comes with the territory.. we participate in hot topics, and well, we get hot :)
it's no fun if we don't have different opinions! :)
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