I have a dilemma that I would love to hear any advice on how to handle it! I'm going to try and be cryptic so I don't air dirty laundry though so bear with me!
Someone close to me used me as a reference for a job. However, they did not tell me until they had already applied. Now, I'm scared to death that the employer will call me since my name is at the top of the reference list. Here's the problem. I love this person, but I don't feel they're any way qualified for this job and in addition, they are currently making lifestyle choices that I feel are in direct conflict with doing a good job in this capacity. I'm not sure if I should confront the person and tell her my misgivings or just wait and see if the employer calls me. I won't lie for this person but I also worry about burning bridges if I either have to give a negative referral or confront this person.
If this is too vague, I'll add more details in the comments, but any suggestions???
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6 comments:
That is a tough situation! As an employer I'm always calling "references." I REALLY appreciate honesty from the people I call, especially from "personal references."
When I do get a bad reference I NEVER tell the person applying for the job. If asked I end up telling him/her that we decided to go with someone else. The person who applied doesn't know what was said about him/her unless the Reference tells that person.
I had a similar situation once where I was named as a reference (without being told), and I just told the interviewer the truth. I wouldn't confront the person on this occassion, but if the employer calls, be honest and say just what you wrote here. It's kind but straightforward. Gory details aren't necessary (not that you'd ever give them anyway), and thus there would be no reason for you to feel guilty. Just remember the Primary song and "Do what is right, let the consequence follow!" And if the person asks to list you as a reference in the future (because, like Skipper said, they'll likely never know you said anything negative), just politely say you feel uncomfortable with it. You'll be fine!
I vote for telling the employer to the truth. If it comes back, you can tell the one you're close to the truth. It's hard but it's always the right thing to do. I always appreciate it when people are honest with me even though at first I want to cry.
I do not think that personal lifestyle choices should be affecting your decision on what you would tell an employer unless it will DIRECTLY be affecting their job performance with actually working. A lifestyle choice that may be wrong in our eyes as members of the church may not be wrong in another persons eyes. I have some people who I am very close with who are just killing me with their choices right now, but it would not affect the way I talked about them to an employer. Their choices are personal not business.
Also, I don't think that it is really up to you on wether they are qualified or not. Let the employer decide that. I hope that I do not sound harsh. By all means I definitely think that you should be honest. Of course don't lie, but only answer what the employer asks. Unless someone could be hurt by this person getting the job.
Thanks for the input, guys! Like I said, I will tell the truth, so that's not the issue. Kristi, I understand what you mean about only answering what the employer asks. Skipper, I like what you said about the employer keeping it confidential too-which, if they call, I think I will ask for. Especially since the job seeker is a family member (technically another no-no)
That was going to be my suggestion, to specifically ask the person who calls you to keep your comments confidential. I don't think that's too much to ask at all. Good luck!
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