Monday, November 26, 2007
Unrealistic expectations
We just got back from spending a long weekend with our families for the holiday. Sigh... For the most part, I consider ourselves pretty lucky when it comes to family not telling us how we should raise our child. We put up with the occasional comment, like everyone, but that's to be expected. I'll probably do it to my own children some day, without meaning to. The one thing that does really get to me though, is I have a sister and brother in law that don't have children yet. My sister in law is wonderful and loves our daughter to pieces. However, her husband doesn't have very realistic expectations when it comes to small children. He makes comments about her whining, crying, waking up in the middle of the night (thus waking him up), etc. At one point he told her "NO!" in a super harsh voice, over something pretty unnecessary, which I didn't really appreciate. I don't want to be over-sensitive, and part of me feels like I should "turn the other cheek," especially because it's family. However the defensive and emotional part of me wants to lash out and tell him what I really think! It's annoying when people think your child is undisciplined or "naughty" when in fact they are just exhibiting normal behavior for a 14 mos. old. Am I horrible for hoping that if and when he has a child they throw tantrums and wake up at night 10 times more than mine???!!!!
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5 comments:
My husband and I were recently discussing how we thought of kids before we had our own. We had no idea how to gage how old a baby was or what they were capable of understanding since we didn't have our own and weren't around little ones enough. I don't expect everyone to know what stage my baby is in. Basically, in the nicest way possible I tell the adult to back off and that my child just doesn't understand yet. My child is doing exactly what he should for the stage he is in. Even for me it's frustrating that he doesn't understand everything I want him to but I just need to have patience. With him and the adults!
If you feel brave enough, I think you should say something. Maybe I'm too sensitive but that would big time offend me if someone other than me or my husband said "NO!" in a harsh tone to my daughter unless she is in a life-threatening situation that I did not notice. She's only 14 months old!! I do say something to kids other than mine sometimes because it seems their parents have no idea what their kid is doing, but I say it very nicely.
Chances are, he has no idea how you are feeling. I think you should say something next time. He'll feel bad (if he has a heart) and might feel defensive initially, and may think that you are too sensitive, but hey, at least you got your point across and you won't have to waste time being angry next time you're with them. Ask him to please point it out to you or your husband if he thinks that she is doing something she shouldn't. When I tell people that they have offended me in some way, they usually feel bad and make a comment about not realizing how sensitive I am, but hey, I'd rather them think I'm sensitive than have me waste energy being angry and offended.
Next time he does something you don't like, just yell harshly at him: NO! That would be freaking hilarious.
That is a good tip, Bethany (about telling them to back off and the child doesn't understand yet).
And then a very funny one from Kage... :)
I am interested to hear what others have to say because my little one just turned 8 months. I have yet to deal with family like that. I am sure it will come. And when it does, you betcha I'll be wishing they will have nasty naughty misbehavin' children of their own... MUHAHAHAHAHAHA
Next time say, "you know brother in law, we're trying not to break her spirit."
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