Hmmm. I get kind of annoyed by something and I just wanted to vent a bit. When I say kind of annoyed, I do mean that. It's not a big deal to me, but when it happens it makes me feel not so great for a few seconds.
Anyway, I have one child. I feel like there are some people with more than one child who make comments that basically give the overall message of "You have no idea how easy you have it with just one. You're in for it when you have more."
Okay, whatever, but seriously, 99% of the time that people make these little comments to me, I'm not even at all exasperated by what my child is doing. It feels like the comments are unwarranted. If I was huffing and puffing, rolling my eyes, sighing, scowling, then yes, put me in my place if you must. But I'm generally not overwhelmed by my child. If she's acting tired after 3 hours of church, I don't blame her!
Anyway, I forget about these comments once they've passed, but they feel like cut-downs more than anything else. For a brief moment I feel a small pang inside as the "commenter" smiles and laughs. I mean, what's the intent? Are they the exasperated ones? I surely know that having more than one kid is way more challenging than having one, but I will tell you what, I will not be one of those people who makes those types of comments to others when the time comes. We're all learning and growing! Thank you to my friends and family who support me in my parenting endeavors! I'd much rather enjoy the journey then bring others down in the process.
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11 comments:
I think its the whole "misery loves company" thing... My favourite was when a lady from church told me "Oh, you have so much to learn" in a condescending tone. While I agree that I do have a lot to learn about being a parent, she made me feel like I was a bad parent... and I was still pregnant at the time!!
I love what you said though... we are all learning. Even parents with a houseful of children learn something new with each one because each child is different.
Heck, I learn something new everyDAY! I've gotten the same comments about one kid, but I have to admit that the comments that got me were the pregnancy, "you're stillllll pregnant?" ones and I'm sure I'll do the same thing unintentionally and make some other poor very pregnant woman go home from church and cry that she's never going back until her baby's born! I try to remember that when I hear them. (not that I intentionally make these comments!) I think claire's right about misery loving company and I think it's also "I've been there!"
YES, they are the exasperated ones...
Along these same lines, I get people commenting on my very good baby saying, "oh, you are in for it with the second one! You never get two good babies."
Last Thursday I so appreciated it when a lady told me that BOTH her daughters were excellent sleepers and good babies. How nice to hear GOOD news for a change.
Perhaps it is people's way of trying to prepare us for the possibility of hard times ahead.
I agree about the "still pregnant" stuff - hated that!
As the mother of two, I totally think in is that they are jealous. Yeah sometimes I loggingly look at the couples who have only one little one and wish I was them, I would love so much to not always feel so overwhelmed. But my first was easy, so it was definitely a different experience for me. The sad thing though is that even when you have more than one people will still make comments that are rude. I had some guy at Walmart tell me the other day that he was sorry I had a red headed daughter. Yeah my daughter has red hair, but in no way has that made her a hard child, and anyone who knows her would never say she is hard. Unfortunately people will always give unwanted advice/comments as you raise your children. I just try to chuckle and remind myself how lucky I am to have to two I have and that each stage in our family will be different, but you never know how, because each family has very unique spirits join their family, and those spirits require very different things.
Same here, Bamamoma. I have been very blessed to have a pretty mellow baby. It bugs me when people say "oh, your second one is going to be a handful (monster, terror...etc.)!" How would they know! Have they spoken to my soon to be second child yet? Ha. I hope I don't make comments like we're all discussing. Sometimes they are just unintentional and not meant to hurt. I agree with the "misery" thing too. I'm sure it'll get harder the more children I have, ESPECIALLY since they aren't all going to be the same, but there will be good days and bad. And thankfully good friends and family for support.
I get the same comments as Bamamoma and Bethany... and quite honestly, I'm a little worried to have a second child! I often wonder if its possible to have two babies as happy and low key as Cecelia!!
I actually caught myself making one of those dreaded "Still pregnant" comments the other day! (I really, really hated them since Cecelia ended up being 14 days late, so I was "still pregnant" for a very, very long time) When I realized what I was saying, I told the girl I was very sorry and shouldn't have made that comment. I felt HORRIBLE! The four Sundays before Cecelia was born I told my husband that if a certain woman at church said anything about me still being pregnant, that I couldn't be held responsible for my actions!!
I've been trying to be more careful myself, with making these comments! I've caught myself saying to people with several small children that are close in age, "Wow..YOU must be busy!!!" I never meant any harm by them, but after becoming friends with a girl who has three kids the age 3 and under, I started to get a new perspective. When people make comments like that to her, she feels like they are criticizing her for having her kids so close together. Good post Linz!
I'm sure for the most part these kinds of comments are unintentional and not meant to hurt at all, but that doesn't mean they bother you less!
I was also 10 days overdue with my little guy and it drove me NUTS when people would make the "still pregnant" comments. I almost stopped coming to church the last few weeks because it was so annoying! But then I knew we'd get tons of phone calls asking if I'd had the baby and that would have bothered me even more. Just leave the poor pregnant women alone!
I meant to make another comment also... I've had a hard time at Church since we got moved into a branch. We are one of the youngest families, and there's not a lot of small children. I'm constantly getting "advice" from all the older women, and sometimes it doesn't feel the most helpful. It feels more critical-like I'm doing it wrong. And one time I made some casual comment in RS about being tired and it never seemed like there was enough time in the day-and the next thing I knew my RS president was giving me all these tips and telling me she was praying for me!!! My husband thought I was overreacting by being upset, but I think we women take those things hard because we value being a mother so much, and we don't want people to think that we don't.
I loved this post...I can say 'amen' to the whole thing! (I found this site thru Jen L's) It is nice to know that there are others in the same boat!
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