Monday, February 11, 2008
Power Struggle
I need some help with a serious power struggle that me and my 2 1/2 year old daughter are having right now. I am 8 months pregnant and have been advised not to pick her up too often. The doctor didn't say never, but told be to limit the amount and to try not to bend to pick her up. Yea, this is not going well for us. I try to explain to her why I can't pick her up, but most of the time she is crying or whinning because I told her no. At first she just cries. I try to console her and let her know when I'm sitting I can hold her all she wants. I give her a hug and tell her I love her and than procede to try to move on, but she just gets more mad as I try to hold her hand to walk beside me or get up and walk away. Eventually the crying turns into a huge temper tantrum with kicking and screaming. Usually she'll just stand at the place she wanted me to pick her up from and throw a tantrum (if I let her she'll cry there for a half hour). I've tried consoling her, just ignoring her, and sitting there trying to reason with her. Nothing is working. I just don't know what to do. It is starting to really get to me. I'm constantly in a mad mood and my patience is running really thin right now. I've tried to limit the amount of picking up, but have not completely stopped picking her up at all thinking that we can gradually get to an understanding. So far that isn't working. Another reason why I've really tried not to pick her up is because I might have to have a C-section with this next one and have been told that I won't be able to pick her up after I have the baby. I thought well if I can get a jump start than maybe it won't be such a tramatic experiece when the new baby comes. However, I feel like she feels like I don't love her and that I'm beeing mean to her by not picking her up. I can tell she doesn't understand. Please help before I pull all my hair out.
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3 comments:
I don't know if this would work but maybe you could get a special doll and name it whatever your new baby is currently being called. Try explaining to her that you are carrying that baby right now and you need her "big girl" help. Then have her carry the "baby" as a special "big girl" privilege and a way to bond - she is being your special helper, you are both carrying the new baby, etc.
It sounds like you have shown amazing patience and calm. Congrats for that! Let us know what the eventual solution is.
that is a tough situation! I like the idea already posted. I would also try to make she she gets lots of holding time in situations you can control like sitting on the couch and extra carrying/cuddling from Dad to help compensate. But I would also let her ride her tantrums out. When I'm frustrated about my two year old losing it, my Mom keeps reminding me that no toddler ever died from crying! so I try to remember that if I give in to my girl's tantrums, she's learning that it worked to get what she wants. Be strong! I agree that you should be cheered for your patience!
Awww Jen, I'm so sorry! I wish you were still here so I could give you a break for a day! I don't really have any suggestions from experience,(I'm counting on you to pave the way for me) but just know I'm here for you when you need to call and let off some steam! This is the only idea I have:
The only thing that ever works for me when Skyler is throwing a fit is to distract her with something totally different. So maybe if she wants you to carry her, you can ignore the request, go to the other end of the room, etc. and start an activity that might entice her, like coloring, playing with dolls, etc. Just keep "playing" and ignore the fact that she is across the room crying to be carried. Maybe she'll figure out quickly that she could be over there with you, doing something fun! Easier said than done, I know! Hang in there!
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