Friday, February 27, 2009

Separation Anxiety

How do you deal with your little ones having separation anxiety? I love that I get to spend every day with my 15 month old, but it makes it difficult when we are apart. He does fine without me at grandmas' houses and even with the occasional sitter in our home, however he does not do well in other situations. My husband and I have gym memberships through his work and our gym has a little child care center where children can go while you work out. I figured this would be a good experience for my son to play with other children and have time away from me, but unfortunately it hasn't turned out that way. The caregivers usually either come to get me after 10-15 minutes because he won't stop crying or they just keep him there with tears rolling down his cheeks. I've tried a few different attempts to the actual 'separation' aspect. I've tried handing him over quickly and leaving immediately, and I've also tried playing with him for a few minutes to get him adjusted to the new environment. Neither attempt has seemed to work, and of course he is too young to understand that I will be coming back. I feel terrible even bringing him, and yet I want him to acclimate to these types of situations since nursery is drawing nearer and nearer...

So, my question is, should I start bringing him consistently and hope that he will just adjust (and endure the heartbreak of knowing he is sobbing the entire time I'm away) or just wait until he gets older (and risk that it will just keep getting harder and also not allow myself to have some unattached time)? What has worked for you?

3 comments:

The Schacher Family said...

Having recently worked at a daycare with kids ages 12m-2yrs I saw this at the beginning of every semester. The kids that struggled but parents brought them continuely adjusted. It takes time but they all adjust. I would say if you want to work out then go consistently and he will adjust. He will learn that you will come back and how the routine goes. The only problem I forsee that might make it longer for him to adjust is if the gym doesn't have consistent teachers. But even then he will learn to adjust it might just take a littlelonger.

Linz said...

I have so had this issue and it has stressed me out a bunch of times, but it definitely gets better as they get older! I think you're really on a great track with the experiences you are giving him. If the teachers are fine with it and it doesn't stressing you out too much, I think you should keep taking him. It took my oldest months to get used to church nursery. I had to separate myself emotionally from this situation otherwise I would panic. I had to tell myself that each little experience will get her closer and closer to realizing that it's okay. We still have issues at 2 1/2 but it has gotten soooo much better. I know it sounds silly, but I have worried about this enough that I have prayed about it hundreds of times, and that helps too!

Hmmm...I don't think I really helped, but just know that you are not alone in going through this process.

Bethany said...

I oldest (2 yr) hasn't really has issues with separation however, I'm sure my second (1 yr) will. He clings to me even when his dad tries to take him just to hold him.

I agree with whats been said. Just keep taking him and he'll eventually understand. He'll probably adjust once he gets used to the care takers at the gym care center. I bet if you went at the same time to the gym each week you might get the same care takers. You could also try telling him as you drop him off "I'm going to exercise now. I will be back. I love you." Then when you pick him up praise him for doing so well without you. Also try to keep your attitude happy and controlled, if your acting sad and have a sorry tone to your voice as you leave he'll pick up on that. That may not make sense, I'm having a hard time describing this in words. It's easier to say than write.