Monday, May 28, 2007
I hate being a single parent...
Ok, so not literally a single parent. But it is officially the time of year I dread-the time where I never see my husband! He is a landscaper, and so half the year (winter) I see him a ton, and the other half-never! I feel like I have come a long way over the years in being more understanding and realistic in my expectations. This year I have to be especially realistic because it is his first year on his own, with his own business. That means no mean ugly boss to blame it on when he misses dinner, has to cancel our date, or has worked a ton of overtime in one week! And if I want there to be food to eat...it would be wise not to complain! I honestly appreciate so much that he is working so hard to provide for our family. But...it starts to weigh on you when you have no relief from providing the care for an adorable and fun, nonetheless whiny and teething baby all day every day! And aside from doing things on my own, I honestly just miss my hubby! The few hours that he is home in the evenings is usually spent doing paperwork or passed out from exhaustion! To top it off, he just informed me that he might miss my kid brother's graduation open house this Fri, if he doesn't meet a certain deadline. I'm trying so hard to be understanding, but I don't know if I can hide the diappointment on this one. I know a lot of you are in the same boat. I was just wondering what you do to keep a positive attitude, show your gratitude to your husbands (despite your disappointments), and make some quality time for each other and the family when there seems to be no time!
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4 comments:
I feel your pain!
My hubby used to work awful hours and a lot of Saturdays and the baby and I would eat alone and especially the days I worked as well were hard. I did a lot of reminding myself that nothing is forever and so anything can be endured.
My Dad's a doctor so my Mom has told me that she has just come to accept that sometimes their dates are cut short after the appetizer, sometimes he doesn't show up for dinner and some holidays we don't see him if the hospital calls. I think some of it is deciding, these are the expectations and the realities of this career and deciding to be okay with it. But I think it takes a long time to be happy about it! :)
One other thing when we were in the crappy hours and lots of weekend work phase is that we would schedule our family and date time more so that we could really make sure we allotted that time in. You can do this!
I have felt this way, and what tops it off is feeling guilty for feeling this way when you're husband truly wishes he was home with you and is exhausted from working so hard. It's so hard!! I want some down time yet I want to help him get some down time when he can get it. I didn't realize how challenging it would be when he travels plus now he's Elders Quorum Prez. I try to kind of treat myself when he's not home. It's not like I'm trying to make it exciting when he's not home, just to make it a little more enjoyable when I wish he was there. I get something for dinner that I probably wouldn't have with him or watch a TV show that he probably wouldn't watch or do a project when the baby goes to bed or something. Last year before the baby was born, I had a girls' movie night at my house when he was traveling. That was really fun. I think it helps to get together with other moms when possible. Hopefully recharge in some way so that you can be cheerful when you're exhasuted husband comes home.
P.S. Sometimes I'm humbled when I think about all the truly single parents out there.
I think that all of Linz's ideas were really good. Definitely have as many mom dates (play dates) as you can. I have learned that I am a much happier person when I am interacting with other people. Also, while you are still in the one child phase, get out as much as you can. Try to do something everyday so you don't feel trapped in your house. (You can still go out everyday when you have more than one child, it is just easier with 1) And if you know that he is not going to be home for dinner, do what Linz does and get something special for yourself. I also think that there is nothing wrong with relying on other people. If you are feeling completely overwhelmed with all the wonderful quality time you are spending with your daughter, don't hesitate to ask your VT or a friend to watch her for a couple of hours. Don't feel quilty about it, it is OK.
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