....with your in-laws?
I have it pretty good with my in-laws. I can do no wrong in their eyes most of the time, and most of the time I understand them. But every once in a while, I want to shout from the rooftops, "what planet did you come from?????" I come from a family where conflicts are confronted, problems are resolved, consequences are dealt for behaviors, and for the most part :) we communicate. Not so with my in-laws. And so my outspoken, let's deal with the problem head on self is about ready to turn blue sometimes when something happens! Don't get me wrong, most of the time I am able to keep my mouth shut or encourage my husband quietly to stand up for himself or deal with a problem. But before all that, I usually have to spend a lot of time calming myself down! :)
Have you learned any bits of wisdom in your married years? How do you keep your mouth shut? How do you sit by quietly when all you want to do is scream?????
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6 comments:
Story of my life.
My family and my husband's family are so different, especially in the way we communicate. I've been married 6 1/2 years and I think that I have made great strides in communicating with them. I've had to find a balance between just keeping my mouth shut and enduring the weirdness and speaking up when I think something really needs to be said. I have learned that I can't pretend be like them when I'm with them. If I want to say something, I say it (as nicely as possible). There was a time when comments made by my mother-in-law about the way I dressed my kids were driving me bonkers and I finally told her "You know what, it hurts my feelings when you criticize the clothes I put on my baby. I think they're very cute. You got to dress your babies in what you thought was cute and I should be able to do the same." I think she was a little offended, but she never said a word after that.
This whole world is made up of people who think and act differently from one another. You just gotta be yourself and find what works for you. And talk to your husband about it. He is yours now. He shouldn't have to choose sides, but he should definitely be supportive of you and your feelings.
oh L & M....because I am not anonymous...I simply cannot comment....but I think everyone relates on some level to this....go ahead and scream.
Thanks guys! Joni, I like how you responded with the clothes and not pretending you're like them when you're around them. My husband is very supportive, luckily, and we have lots of talks about "how we're going to do things differently" :)
...and thanks for the permission to scream, Kage! :)
I think you have to deal differently if you live by your in-laws than if you just see them once or twice a year. I feel loved by my in-laws but they are very different from my family. Since I don't get to see them often, we usually just really take advantage of the few days we have and everyone gets along and has a good time. I'm sure this is different for people who live near their in-laws. If someone said something to offend me, I would most definitely let them know, but luckily that hasn't happened.
There are some things I've made efforts towards in the past with members of my hubby's family, but when there is no reciprocity, I usually just give up.
Hard subject. I get along really well with my parents-in-law, so I guess I don't have much to say.
I do agree with the comment about distance - I live about a 6 hour drive from my parents-in-law.
That said, I do have two sisters-in-law that live within 30 minutes. When they start to drive me crazy, I tell my hubby I can't spend time with them for awhile or that HE has to be the one to talk to them about problems. After all, it is HIS family. I do the same for my family - if there are problems I am the one that has to talk to them.
Wow! It's funny my mother-in-law, bless her heart, didn't speak english. It was a little awkward because she'd sit and smile, but you'd know she was saying something about you at the same time. She was very sweet though. My father-in-law is very kind and loving, but in my husbands family things go unsaid all too often. It's very clear though that the daughter-in-laws don't have a huge say in family affairs. It's different to say the least, but we don't live near my father-in-law and so we do enjoy every minute we have with them, as Lindsay said.
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