Okay to all you mothers out there. It seems like many of us are either pregnant, new moms or mothers of young ones. I am curious about and want to know how you honestly feel about motherhood. When you became a new mother for the first time how did you feel overall? Did you feel like you just picked it up and loved every moment of it? Did you feel like you bonded right to your baby? How would you rate your satisfaction of being a mother? Do you feel fulfilled, is it what you thought it would be like? If it is a struggle, how do you get through?
The reason I ask--I have a 3.5 month old--and it seems all the sudden it just got really hard. It seems the new-ness of being a mother has worn off and I am constantly struggling with enjoying being a mom. I feel like all the women around me feel like motherhood is the best thing that ever happend to them, and I feel like it may be one of the hardest. I just have to think I am not the only one in the world that has ever felt this way, so what are your thoughts and opinions?
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14 comments:
Wow Nat, what a great, thought-provoking question. It's one of those that everyone wants to answer positively and say that motherhood is a piece of cake and everyday is hunky dorey. Let's be honest...that's just not how it is.
I'll be the first to admit that being a mom isn't exactly what I expected. I do enjoy it MOST of the time, but there are moments when I get completely overwhelmed. I've got an "advantage" (if that's what you want to call it) because I'm working right now and I'm not a fulltime mom yet. I look forward to quitting my job and being at home, but honestly I'm also a little nervous about it too.
I'm grateful to be a woman and to experience all that that role offers. Being pregnant, giving birth and raising a child is one of the most incredible opportunities that Heavenly Father allows us to have. And, not every woman is afforded that chance. It's difficult to keep a positive attitude at all times amid the stinky diapers, constant messes, unidentifiable crying/screaming, new-found expenses, loss of sleep, etc. But there's nothing like uncontrollable giggles, a sweet smile, an angelic grin while he's asleep, huge kisses and hugs and the satisfaction that a child brings. It does get better. C will soon be a little more independent and not require as much attention. He's such a cute little boy!
One thing that I have learned is that you have to take care of yourself. It is okay to take a break and leave baby with daddy and go wander around Target for an hour. I think something that most new mom's feel is that they can't take a break because it means they aren't being a good mommy or that they can't handle it or something. But let me say this - Everyone needs a break and some time for themselves! Sometimes it seems that when you have a baby you suddenly become "James's mom" instead of Abbie - the woman who likes to play soccer, exercise, read good books, go shopping, watch romantic comedies....or whatever you like to do. You are still the woman you were before you had this precious gift come into your life to teach you how to love and serve, and you need to continue to be that woman. Just wait until you can feel your little one loving you back..it is the best feeling in the world. I'm not going to lie, I LOVE being a mom! But it isn't without it's kinks along the way. I have grown in a way like never before adding to the woman I already am and the woman I am trying to be.
You guys are awesome. That is such GREAT advice. I really think I will think it's easier with time--and I think I will get more accustomed to the way life goes right now. I am so Thankful Heavenly Father blessed me with this little guy. I just want to be really good at it...not just endure each day..ya know??
I totally agree with stacibee and abbiemh. I had my baby in the winter and although I loved it, halfway through the winter I was ready to pull my hair out! I had to get out of the house and my husband and I needed a date badly! One thing that helped me was making sure I went somewhere almost everyday. Despite the snow and cold! I bundled her up well and she never even got sick and I was out of the house and away from the TV!
I love being a Mom and I always knew I wanted to be a Mom. I've never had a "job" fit so well. I work part-time still, like stacibee, and I look forward to staying home, but I also think that getting away keeps me sane....er! But i don't think there's an honest Mom out there that doesn't have the days where they want to run away!!!!
I appreciate your honest thoughts Natalie! Great conversation. I absolutely love being a mom but I miraculously became pregnant between infertility treatments so that really adds to my appreciation for this exhausting but rewarding role. I don't know how single moms do it, though. It really is necessary as has been said to have some time away from the baby. After dinner, my husband is very helpful and he always wants to wash the dishes while I watch the baby. I insist , on doing the dishes because it's a break from the baby, you know? I love her dearly, but breaks are necessary just as you need a break from every good thing in life. A teacher I worked with last year when she found out I was pregnant and staying home this year told me to be careful not to let motherhood kill my soul. I thought it was a farfetched statement but she was a teacher who was like a grandmother to me. She was very wise and had taken me under her wing and I respected her thoughts. I don't think motherhood could ever kill my soul, but I took note that it would be important for me to continue to pursue and enjoy those things that I love. With an almost 6 month old baby, I feel like I'm coming to the point now where I can do that more, particularly with the support of my husband. You're so awesome for bringing this up, Natalie. Thank you.
I can't really add a lot to this discussion that hasn't already been said, but here are my two cents anyway. Motherhood has been really hard for me because my daughter requires so many special treatments (she has cystic fibrosis). I am also confined to my apartment until May, which is incredibly hard. But everytime I would start to feel overwhelmed like the Lord was giving me too much, I would look at how much harder some people have it. Single mothers (or fathers), financial burdens, more serious illnesses, etc... One day in particular my CF nurse told me about a mother whose daughter had major brain damage from her delivery. She would never giggle, smile, or crawl. That is when I realized just how lucky I am to have a daughter whose brain functions wonderfully. We all have trials, but I think they just make us enjoy the special moments more.
I'd have to say the same thing, a lot of wonderful things have already been said and I can only add to them. I love being a stay-at-home mom, but there are times when it's not all peaches and cream. Like, even though my son is great most of the time, it's all I can do to not roll my eyes when he starts whining because I just don't feel like dealing with it!
My suggestion would be to make sure that you get time away with your husband. My husband, Matt, and I try to go out once a month, just the two of us. Last year for Valentine's Day we went to a basketball game and I can't tell you how new it felt to be out with him! Our hands brushed up against each other and I felt like we were dating again! You need time to yourself and you need time to stregthen that relationship, too.
It's hard with one so young. It took me about 9 months until I felt like myself again. Just enjoy the stage that your child is at and know that they do become more independent and just try to enjoy every stage that they're at!
Well, this sounds totally horrible to say, but I don't really remember what it was like to be a first time mom. I do know, that it was hard. I always wanted to be a mother and I thought that would be a complete natural at it. Well I was completely surprised to find that I wasn't. I always tell people, Motherhood would be a lot easier if I wasn't so tired all the time :) Of course some of the problems I have a lot of you aren't quite at that stage yet, but you will. Some of my biggest problems are the fighting that goes on between my two oldest boys. Let me tell you, discipling is very hard. I want a way to show my children that they are chosing the wrong actions without using the wrong actions myself. Anyways back to the topic. It is very understand to be having a hard time with motherhood. It is very exhausting knowing that you are in charge of your percious childs well being. It is a great responsiblity, but you have to remember that Heavenly Father trusts you and if you follow his counsel he will truely bless you in raising your child.
In my last comment, I meant disciplining (sp?) not discipling.
This was an awesome thread. I've been inspired by everyone's thoughts. We can do it ladies!
When I first had my baby I didn't feel attached at all. I got home from the hospital and wondered what I was supposed to do with this little person. I didn't really feel much of a connection right off. And that was hard. I am surprised at how attached to him I am now! I can hardly wait to see him when I've been away from him for even a couple hours. There are for sure hard times, but all the good totally outweighs the bad. I absolutely love being a mom!
Wow, what great comments. I only have a couple thoughts in addition to what has already been said. Like many other things in life, I think it's super important not to compare yourself to others. There are so many women out there that appear to be "Super-Moms," but usually that is not really the case. There is nothing that will bring us down faster than comparing ourselves to others, and feeling like we don't measure up. I think we're all doing better than we give ourselves credit for. On that note, it's great to always strive for something better too. I don't think there is anything greater than being a Mom, but I've realized since having a baby that I don't want my talents and hobbies to end here. One day in Relief Society they gave out the Pursuit of Excellence booklets (have you seen these?), and I have been working on filling mine out. It's brought me a lot of excitement to make goals such as finding a new hobby, or expanding my cooking skills. And in return, some of these things can make me a better Mom too!
I think sometimes we can't help how we feel too. I have a good friend who very much wanted a baby. But when the baby was born, she felt detached right from the start. Her daughter is 18 mos. now, and now she will admit that she really didn't enjoy the first several months of being a mom. It doesn't mean she's a bad person, or that she doesn't love her daughter. She wanted to enjoy it, and doesn't know why she didn't. What's important is that she got through it, and she has a wonderful bond with her daughter now. They're both just fine! Heavenly Father knows our struggles, and He'll help us through!
Motherhood is both - the best thing that has ever happened to me and the hardest. When I had my first daughter I had to return to work FT three months after she was born. That was so hard, I would cry every morning for weeks once I went back to work. She seemed oblivious to the fact that I was gone! ;) It was difficult to find balance between being a mom, working full time, supporting my husband while he went to school and I took some classes as well. We managed. Now that I have had more children, I look back at that and realize that I absolutely cherished every minute I had with Maddie because I wasn't home all the time.
I am now a SAHM to 3 girls - Maddie is 4 and my twins are 9 months old. Some days are so difficult I just count the hours left until bedtime. Fortunately, those days don't happen as often as the good days do.
I have noticed that I struggle a bit with the transition from sleeping/napping newborn to infant that requires more interraction and activity. You're hitting that stage. The first year is a challenge because things change so quickly, I feel like I am constantly creating a new routine for all of us.
There's a lot of great suggestions on here already. Make sure you take time out for yourself, time out with your husband.
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